Birthday Calendar

I learned something new today. Of course, for someone with my poor memory, that happens pretty much every day, but today's information was special. Today I opened my e-mail inbox to find that my friend Ron had sent me a link to a Birthday Calendar on-line.

I first wondered - as I'm sure that you are doing now - what is a Birthday Calendar and why do I care? I hovered my mouse over the red X, fully prepared to send Ron's correspondence to the trash and lie to him about having read it if it ever came up. But then curiosity overwhelmed me enough that I moved the arrow to the link and clicked. On the site that popped up, I was instructed to enter my birthday and click GO!

In no time I was reading all about the day that I was born. At first, it seemed as though that might be an interesting topic. In hindsight, it only turned out to be depressing.

First off, I was apparently conceived on April 6th. I assume someone must have been sneaking around my parent's house to have known that for sure, but I trusted the information. After all, if you read it on the 'net, it must be true. Something about the date bothered me. In my mind, I couldn't tie anything of significance to it. What might have brought about my conception, I wondered? Now that I think about it, that's an odd thing to want to know. At the time, however, it was this thought that caused me to open a new tab and actually google the date. What I found was nothing. Nada. Zip. April 6th has absolutely no historical significance whatsoever. Unless, that is, you consider the fact that in 1898 they discovered the North Pole. Could it have been an overly raucous "North Pole Discovery" party that had gotten out of hand, eventually leading to little Billy some 9-months later? I had my doubts and realized that I may well be the product of something as simple as there being "nothing on TV".

Somewhat discouraged, I clicked back to the Birthday Calendar page to see what other things might pop out at me. What I found was that there isn't much about me that I find interesting. Damn. I used to think highly of myself.

In the year I was born, there were 3.7 million births in the U.S. That means that I'm just as special as 3,699,999 other people in this world. Maybe fewer, assuming that a few of them have since died. Pleasant thought, huh?

My lucky day is Saturday and my lucky number is 8. Great information to have, really. Now if I just had 4-more lucky numbers and a powerball ...

I also thought it interesting that my lucky dates are the 8th, the 17th and the 26th. Just below that it proclaimed that "Today is one of your lucky days!" Noting that today is not a Saturday, nor is it the 8th, 17th or 26th of the month, I'm not only depressed by the information, I'm also confused.

I was born under the sign of the pig. This actually does explain a lot.

To make matters even worse, the site tells me that my fortune cookie reads: "It doesn't matter. Who is without flaw?" Honestly, what kind of a fortune is that? It doesn't matter? Who is without flaw? Why not eat a bullet for breakfast tomorrow? That's not a fortune, it's a slogan for the Association of Helplessly Average Individuals. Where is the fortune in that? Why not just say "You are destined to be nothing more than mediocre." It reminds me of the last 400 soda bottles I've opened, the undersides of the cap reading "Sorry, you're not a winner. Try again!"

At the very least, I read on to learn that my birth tree is the Apple Tree. The description reads: Of slight build, lots of charm, appeal and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination. God knows that couldn't be further from the truth.

I read through the entire page, looking for anything that made me feel cool, special, better-than-average. There was nothing. My birthstone? Blue Zircon; something I've never heard of. Probably family of cubic zirconium. At least it didn't say coal. My lucky planet? Uranus. A name I can't even say without giggling. I guess it is suiting that it should remind me of a butt. The moon beneath which I was born was the waxing gibbous. (Insert own joke here).

After reading the page several times and realizing that it had absolutely nothing promising to offer, I realized that everything happens for a reason. I had actually learned a very valuable lesson while reading the words that told me over and over again that I was nothing special.

I learned that you can't believe anything you read on-line. It's all garbage.

All the best,

WDL

NOTE TO READERS: On a tip, I looked on Wikipedia and found that April 6th was the date of organization of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and it is also believed by many of The Church to be the date that Jesus was resurrected from the grave. I mention this in recognition of the significance of the events for those readers of the Mormon faith, (even though you'd be in trouble with The Church if they knew you were reading my blog anyway), as well as to proclaim that there is extreme significance to my date of conception after all! I knew I wasn't mediocre, and this proves it! After all, I read about it on the Internet ...